The quick: Denver is the shortest leg of my trip so far!
The dirty: Read on.
Denver, you are my second favorite city. And that’s only because nothing will ever beat Boston. This decision may be influenced by the fact that I rode a super hot dude’s face last night while high on my favorite sativa, but who’s to tell, y’all. Who’s to tell.
The funny thing about Denver is I almost skipped this leg of my trip. I was so the-opposite-of-jazzed about it that I only planned to stay the month—to go to that sex therapy and education conference and then peace out. And then, of course, every time I go into something thinking I’ll know the result, I’m always wrong.
Here’s why Denver became my second favorite leg of the trip:
#7 probably has a lot more to do with why I like Denver than I care to admit. He’s a good dude.
This is how it went down. First, let me set the scene:
Austin left me feeling completely beaten down. The men there were truly awful and the one woman I connected with turned out to be pretty emotionally unintelligent and deceitful (though the sex was great). These feelings were worsened by me leaving Hawaii because, c’mon, Hawaii was paradise and I missed it and my stupid friend HB. It’s hard to go from 11 days of laughing nonstop from the moment we woke up to the moment we went to bed in one of the most gorgeous places in the world (with zero plans or responsibilities cuz VACATION) and then move back to our respective homes thousands of miles away from each other. It was a bummer.
So when I got to Denver, I was pretty mentally exhausted, but I had some hope that dating here would be good. Because anything was better than Austin. And it is! Except for one thing.
The men here are terribly uninteresting. Have you ever swiped on a dating app and seen a man who is completely dead behind the eyes? He works an uninteresting job, has a bio that says “just ask,” wears a button-up shirt of some synthetic, striped fabric whose colors are very aesthetically displeasing, and has a haircut that’s so basic, it’s what someone off the street would draw if you instructed them to just “draw a haircut”? There’s a lot of that here.
And they all fucking hike. All of them. I have never seen so many men who believe their love of the outdoors is an adequate substitution for an actual personality.
The problem with men like this is that they don’t have passion. I try to ask “what’s your story,” and it’s like pulling teeth. There’s nothing there. It just seems like they’re climbing shit to pass the time. I would be so down if climbing shit was one of someone’s many hobbies, but that’s not the case here. A love of pizza isn’t a hobby. IPAs isn’t a hobby. Sarcasm isn’t a hobby.
And so I was like fuck it. I’m going to spend this month in Denver just focusing on myself. Like I had mentioned in my last post, I sent out a text to everyone I had been talking to on apps and said “boy bye.” And then one of those guys said he'd be happy to meet up for dinner with zero expectations if I ever changed my mind. I agreed because I was bored--and then on the day of, I almost canceled. On that first meetup, I was a giant bitch to him. Afterwards, I have no idea why he wanted to see me again. And maybe that was the point. I wanted him to hate me so that I could stick to my plan of swearing off men in Denver. If he didn’t like me, then there was no way I was going to like him. And then we could part ways.
I called him a schmoozer to his face. When he made a joke I didn’t like, I told him, he said he was sorry, and I said, “Good. You should be sorry.” I told him I thought he was trying to manipulate me into meeting up so that he could consider it a date.
But the thing is, this guy never pressured me. He was so laidback and took all the shit I was giving him in stride. Instead of getting defensive when I told him who I thought he was, he did the best thing to prove me wrong: he showed me who he is by his actions. Very sneaky, sis.
(Just kidding; that is what you should do in that kind of scenario.)
And he did. Because what he showed me was that he is a good person who had zero agenda. By the end of our first dinner, I liked him. And by the end of our second dinner, I wanted to sleep with him. I asked if he wanted to sleep with me—and very nonchalantly said it was totally cool if he didn’t and cool if he did. He said yes and then we fucked like complete animals.
Now before we get any further, I want to make one thing clear: this is NOT a “just keep trying until you convince someone to go out with you” narrative. That narrative is bullshit. He later told me that he was surprised I had asked him to fool around and that he had no plans of ever bringing it up himself. He had listened to me. When I first said no, he heard me. He never flirted or cajoled me. He treated me like a person. And him treating me like a person with a brain in her head and respecting my initial wish to not date and only be friends--that was what made me like him, NOT him convincing me. He was just himself with no ulterior motive. And I know that if I had never asked to become bed buddies, we could have spent my time in Denver hanging out as friends and it would have been just as great.
That’s how consent works. Both parties need to mutually agree that they want to act sexually together for it to work. Consent can be given and taken away at any time. And a lack of consent ultimately changing to real, enthusiastic consent (“yes please”) does not mean that the original lack of consent didn’t count. You being offered a sandwich on one day and deciding not to eat it and then getting offered that same type of sandwich a week later doesn’t mean that the first time you refused the sandwich, you didn’t really mean it.
I wanted to set that straight. And the reason I do like this person is because I know that if I said to him right now “I don’t want to be in contact anymore,” he wouldn’t ask any questions or try to fight me or say “fine” and then try to follow me on social media a bunch of times. He would respect me and not contact me again. I know this. I like this person because he respects the fuck outta my boundaries.
Good. I’m glad we’ve settled that. Because now here’s the fun stuff.
Denver friend comes up with really good date ideas. Once, we went to a bookstore and played a game. You can play this game as well: you pick a book out for the other person, and then choose a passage for them to read loud enough for other people in the bookstore to hear them. The purpose of this game is maximum discomfort. We did five rounds and chose five different genres of books. One genre was erotica (obviously), but you have no idea how embarrassing it is to read out loud how Giada de Laurentiis describes steaks, in a bookstore that's a converted theater with incredible acoustics nonetheless. Every fucking person in that bookstore heard me talk about thickness and juiciness. Well played, Denver friend. Well played.
We also decided to ask each other the famous 36 Questions to fall in love. It can get fairly intimate at times, but it's a lot less awkward than you would think. One of his answers to #25 was so good I had to write it down. The question was to make 3 "we" statements about us. "We both like," "we both seem," "we both feel," etc. For some context--he is a nonmonogamous person by choice and I am a nonmonogamous person by circumstance. We've talked about relationships (past, present, future) a fair amount. We've spoken about our independent nature and our thoughts around having an "anchor" person. When he answered question #25, he said, "We both are people who are searching, but not yearning." I loved that.
Also, there are three things that were never in my sexual repertoire: mirror play, coming from riding someone’s face (it’s a position I have a hard time orgasming in), and going to someone’s office after hours and fuckin’. I changed all of those things in Denver with this dude.
The second time I slept with my Denver friend, he bent me over the back of his bed and I realized that we were right next to the full-length mirror he uses to get ready in the morning. The visual was pretty insane and made the already hot encounter even hotter. I got a text soon afterwards that he had found another full-length mirror and he’d find a good spot for it. That spot ended up being propped up horizontally on a chest of drawers facing the bed. So while in reverse cowgirl, I could see everything from my neck down. AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
I know mirrors have a bit of a stigma--I'll admit I had preconceived notions that mirror play was cheesy as hell and/or vain and/or some Patrick Bateman-type shit (like when he films himself flexing while fucking two sex workers). But I’m here to tell you I was wrong. So wrong. It’s incredibly fun. We took a bunch of photos and videos because, I’m sorry, but we both looked so, so incredibly hot and this trip is all about making and collecting memories, you guys.
So after we had some mirror play, we went to dinner. Then, on the drive home, my sex friend and I talked about all the crazy places we’ve gotten down at. I get off VERY hard on sex in public places. I don’t want to ever get caught—and I haven’t—but I like being in situations where the risk of getting caught is very high. I tell him this. He’s fucked in some crazy places himself. And then he says that he started a new job recently and ahh never mind it’s a crazy idea, etc. etc. My face lights up.
No, no, we can’t.
[me absolutely beaming]
Ok we’re doing it.
[me bouncing up and down in my seat]
He turns around and we head to his office. We get past security and he gives me a tour of the place. His office is pretty high up in the building, so the view of Denver is amazing. I end up blowing him while he sits in his chair and then he eats me out while I’m lying naked on his desk. It was a blast.
My life is essentially a porno.
We ultimately make it back to his place, where we get stoned and give each other massages. For massage, I like to smoke a nice sativa-leaning hybrid because it makes me super tactile (all I want to do is touch things) without feeling tired. When I want to have stoned sex and be able to have orgasms, I take a small hit (and I mean SMALL) of some indica. The thing about hybrids and sativas (sativas more so) is that they're GREAT for massages because everything feels eye-rollingly good, but that’s the problem—your body stays at 99% the entire time and it’s hard to get to a full 100. Touch feels AMAZING, but it’s difficult to get pushed over the edge and actually come. So I don’t smoke sativa or hybrids if I want to have a ton of orgasms. Usually that sexual encounter (especially on sativa) is a lot of work towards one orgasm. It takes a while.
So we’re massaging each other and it’s so pleasureful (a word I just made up—just roll with it) that I’m like well, this guy has asked me to ride his face in the past and I never did it. The last time I rode someone’s face was, like, in 2014, because I had tried it with a few partners and it just never worked for me. But in that moment, I was like fuck it. Let’s see how this is gonna go.
The thing about this dude is I forgot how good at oral he is. I came fairly quickly and I was high on that sativa-y hybrid. This man deserves a medal.
Always believe in yourself, you guys. I leave Colorado next week (I can’t believe how quickly it flew by!) and I hope to ride this man’s face off into the sunset.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven’t written about Hawaii yet. I KNOW. But guess what? I’ll be in NYC for a few weeks soon for work and will finally have the time to crank out a few blog posts about Hawaii. It’ll be worth it. Trust me.
But let’s talk about where I am now though. Denver. This is what I’m gonna say:
Denver is literal paradise.
It’s green, it’s sunny all the time, half the city is super cute and walkable (walkability is something I love about NYC and Boston) and the other half is all residential houses whose architecture I lust after, and it’s just relaxing as hell. The dispensaries are wonderful. You walk in, they scan your license, you pick out what you want, you pay, and then you're on your merry fucking way (aka HOW OBTAINING MARIJUANA IN EVERY STATE *SHOULD* BE). Everyone is chill. It was hard for me to find some good places to eat at first, but then with the guidance of a few new friends (and the dude I’m “dating” here—I mean “dating” in the sense that we go on dates together), I’ve found some good stuff. All in all, the city has good energy.
The only thing I take issue with is that it’s incredibly, painfully, noticeably white. It makes Asheville look like fuckin' Epcot, you guys.
Denver is a place I see myself visiting from time to time for vacation or whatever, but I sure as hell would never live here. Besides the lack of diversity, I had forgotten that, well, the altitude is a thing.
When I first got here, I thought I was becoming diabetic (which, if you know how I eat, wouldn’t be surprising at all to you—my food pyramid is essentially a pyramid made out of sugar cubes). I'd drink so much water but would still be constantly parched. For the first time in my life, my lips got so dry they started cracking (and, mind you, I’ve survived some pretty gnarly NY winters). I felt like shit the first week I got here. And then someone reminded me that we’re 5,000+ feet above sea level and that Denver has an incredibly dry climate.
“You never get used to it,” my Airbnb host told me. `
But anyway—I felt like I was getting sick, I felt wiped out, and then I started meeting some pretty shitty men.
As always, I encountered men that don't respect my boundaries:
Just a heads up that EVERY man who has ever harassed me has been someone who has told me they would never harass me. EVERY ONE has told me they'd respect my wishes if I decided to cut off contact. Every single fucking one of them. So a guy telling me “I would never do that” means absolutely nothing—and men should realize this before they say it. “That’s not me”? I have no fucking idea if that is indeed the case or not. So just tell me you’re sorry that it happens to me a lot and show me by your actions instead of your words that you would never do such a thing.
Then, the next guy, WHO STARTED OFF SO COOL AND KIND, randomly texted me the day before we met (guys *always* fuck it up at the 11th hour, I swear to GOD) that he was looking forward to meeting me the next day and… was feeling frisky while watching a hockey game with his friends (???) and was planning on going home to masturbate (you guys, I don’t even fucking know anymore):
Then it just came down to this, honestly:
Eventually, I figured, you know what? I’m only in Denver for a month. I don’t have to date. Why don’t I focus on some self-care? And so I did! I started reading an incredible novel (How Should A Person Be by Sheila Heti) and swimming laps on my lunch break, did things like take an hour-long walk from my place to the Denver Botanic Gardens (where I took some tincture and stared at a baby bunny eating grass for, like, an hour), and started pitching magazine articles again. I texted all the guys who I had been talking to on various apps and had given my number to: “Listen. I don’t think I’m going to date in Denver. Take care.” I was going to devote my energy towards building some friendships. Because, at the end of the day, I didn’t have the emotional energy to date, but I always love meeting new people and wanted some friends to do shit with without any sexual expectations.
And I did! I met a few really awesome women on Bumble BFF—and I know what you’re thinking. Trust me, I felt like a total weirdo going on an app to find new friends, but it is actually a fabulous tool when you move to a new place and don’t know anyone. I met someone for lunch one day to make sure we got along and the next day she recommended a place for my first tubing experience, which was so fun. I highly recommend Bumble BFF.
Next, I met a nice person on social media (ah, the modern world!) who lives in Denver and he showed me a great place to eat. [Please note that I never meet up with people from social media, especially if they're under 35 and/or single (and he was neither). So if you’re a dude reading this and are like, “I’m gonna slide into her DMs,” LOL, buddy. It ain’t gonna happen unless you’re Adam Pally.] But anyway, he, a fellow East Coaster (!) and I went out and had a great time. New friends for the win!
And then something interesting happened. Remember when I texted all the dudes I met on apps, “I’m not going to date in Denver BYE”? One of those guys reached out and said he truly only wanted to meet me because he thought I was interesting (to be fair, my OKCupid profile is incredible) and that he’s nonmonogamous with a few partners, so he truly wasn’t looking to go out solely for romantic/sexual reasons. We didn't have to go on a date. If I wanted to make another new friend, we could meet up.
I figured that if we met up and it was clear that he was manipulating me, I could tear him a new orifice. And if he was a genuine guy, I'd make a few pal. He turned out to be pretty great. After our first meetup, I conceded and said we could call it a date. Mostly because he’s really hot and charming and I really wanted to fuck him. Then we ended up going on three dates over the course of four days.
In every city, because I’m naturally monogamous and, well, exhausted as fuck as I travel, my ideal scenario has always been to meet someone and have a regular hookup until I leave. It just makes things easier (and safer). And, to my surprise, this person suggested us doing that. That he wanted to hang out with me as many times as we could before I left.
He’s also the kinda guy who opens the car door (not necessary at ALL, but adorable and appreciated), calls me pretty instead of cute (I hate when people call me cute—I’m not a puppy; I’m a grownass woman), thinks of super creative date ideas (my weakness), and, well, the sex is also incredible.
So that’s a good thing that’s going on. We both understand the situation for what it is and intend on being friends after I leave. I really lucked out.
And that's not even the best part! The main reason I even came to Denver was because I was attending the annual AASECT conference, which is a conference for sex therapists and sex educators. The first day of the conference, as I sat in the ballroom of a hotel surrounded by 700 people, I was on the verge of tears the entire time. These were people who talked about sex openly, thought of it as the most normal thing in the world, and were devoting their lives to helping people achieve healthy, amazing, joyful sex lives and preventing sexual violence. I have never felt more at home. It's hard when the rest of society views your passion as something weird or icky or uncomfortable that shouldn't be talked about. These were my people.
I attended lectures about how doctors are finding new ways to prevent STIs among women in underserved areas (that talk was by the amazing Maria Trent), vaginal rejuvenation, how to enhance pleasure for people with clitorises (Laurie Mintz is a GODDESS; buy her books), the ethics of disclosing personal details as a sex therapist, a comprehensive overview of pedophilia (one of the most interesting presentations I’ve ever seen, led by Michael Seto), the psychology of gay men’s cuckholding fetishes, intimacy on the asexual spectrum, a case study on the treatment of sexual aversion (i.e. non-asexual people who are not finding pleasure in sex), sex and cancer, empowering young women to advocate for their sexual pleasure (led by New York Times’ bestselling author on the subject, Peggy Orenstein, who is a total force of nature—I want to be her when I grow up), the taboos and myths around sex dolls, and how BDSM can help solve sexual trauma. I was in heaven, you guys. Literal heaven.
I also exchanged business cards with many, many people, had impromptu talks about my work, and made connections within the field spanning the country and beyond.
I told my friends this:
I'm digging you, Denver.
Welp. I don't know how you did it, Austin, but you beat Asheville to claim your title as the worst city I've dated in. You did, however, win the Dana Hamilton Best Eating City 2018 award as well. Was it because it's the city where I sampled pussy for the first time? Nah. Actually, Austin is the best city I've ever eaten in. It hurts to say this, but... it's better than New York.
I'm currently in Denver (where both the men and the food have been mediocre at best!), but, as per tradition, Imma break down the last city I was in through the lens of what this very blog is named after:
Odd Duck: My favorite restaurant in Austin. If you go to Austin and don’t eat at Odd Duck, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. The menu changes every day based on what the best meat/produce is available at local farmer’s markets, but there are a few things (I’m talking a very small handful) that are permanent fixtures. One is this roasted beet dish with pureed black beans, fried cheese curds, pepitas, shaved radishes, and onions. This flavor combination sounds weird af, but it WORKS. I got it both times I went there, it was that good. The first time I went, I had a chicken-fried pork chop that was out of this world and they gave me a giant fortune cookie that's made in-house for my birthday. And usually fortune cookies are tasteless and gross, but this one is essentially a giant vanilla cookie. It’s awesome. When you go to Odd Duck, definitely lie and say it’s your birthday just so you can get the free fortune cookie. We may or may not have done that when my mom came to visit, but I won’t tell. We also both got the steak with mushroom croquettes and it was the best steak I’ve ever had in my life. My mom said the same thing
Franklin’s Barbecue: Franklin’s is the most famous barbecue place in Austin. There’s also a wait so long that people get up at 8am and pretty much tailgate for an entire afternoon. BUT, fun fact: if you order a few months ahead of time, you can pick up a catering order and skip the line. That’s what my friend Mikey did.
I met Mikey on my friend Janson’s boat for Mikey’s birthday. And so when Mikey said he ordered Franklin’s and was having a party, I thought the same company that was on the boat (a bunch of fun dudes) was going to be at the party and that it was a continuation of his birthday celebrations.
So I wore what I usual wear when among my peers: a t-shirt that says “Support Local Female Orgasms” that I cut up and turned into a crop top. You know, typical Dana Hamilton: fashion icon, smartass, and Doc Marten enthusiast.
It turned out that it wasn’t another birthday party with friends. It was Mikey's fucking graduation from grad school and his entire family who flew out from Oregon was there. Including Mee-Maw.
While I was mortified, Mikey assured me that if there was a family to wear that shirt around, it was his. They thought it was hilarious. It ended up being a super fun night.
But yes, I tried the brisket, potato salad (which had some curry in it, which I love), mac and cheese, and coleslaw. It all was very good! Would I wait on a 6-hour line for it? Probably not because I’m impatient as fuck, but was I glad I tried it? ABSOLUTELY. Very, very yummy.
Loro: My mother said this was the best brisket she’s ever had in her life and I said the exact same thing. This restaurant is the creation of the person behind Franklin’s and the owner of one of the best sushi places in Austin (I forgot the name because I don’t eat fish), so it’s no surprise how good the barbecue is. The brisket has a rub on it that is definitely Asian-inspired. Get that, the garlic rice noodles (TO DIE FOR), and the Thai Watermelon Punch (sweet and spicy watermelon cocktail).
June’s All Day: June’s is on South Congress (the main strip of Austin, filled with shopping and restaurants, but mostly shopping) and it’s super cute. From 4 – 6pm on weekdays, all the food is half off. The first time I went, I got the burrata with asparagus, hard-boiled egg, cucumber, and dill (weird flavor combination, but it was DELICIOUS), Boston bibb salad (okay—the truffle oil was a lil’ heavy-handed), and lemon tart. The next time I went, I had that same burrata (it was that good), chilled roasted artichoke (SO GOOD, especially on a hot summer day), and my mom and I split the hot chicken sandwich (which was in-fucking-credible; their fries are really, really good, too).
Vespaio: A date took me here and I was like ARE YOU SURE DUDE, I’m from New York, but it was absolutely fabulous. I learned later from a Lyft driver that Vespaio was voted the third best Italian restaurant in the country. Order the polenta con funghi (amazing), the cacio e pepe, and the Bolognese. I’m very hard to impress when it comes to Italian food and this place blew me away.
Torchy’s: This is the most well-known taco place in Austin. There are a few locations—it looks a little fast food-y, but don’t let that fool you. It’s great. I had the pork chili verde and their monthly special, which was a hot chicken taco with honey. Both were fabulous.
Taco Joint: This place’s name is ~marihuana~ reference. Get the 4/20 and The Street Taco. One of those—I can’t remember which, comes with potato sticks on it. It’s like putting chips on a sandwich. A+
Via 313: This is one of the most well-known pizza places in Austin. They do a Detroit-style pie, which is essentially a Sicilian slice (soaked in butter and baked in a pan) with cheese on top and then sauce on top of that. It was really good! I didn't get any good pics because I inhaled mine. Pretty delish.
Frank: Vegan chili cheese fries and a vegan/gluten-free Chicago-style hot dog? I LOVED this and I wasn't even stoned. (Sorry, I ate this on my bed like a total garbage person.)
Valentina’s Tex Mex: I really liked this place, but my fondness for it may have been influenced by the fact that I went there with one of my favorite friends, VP. While we were driving over (it’s in the middle of nowhere), we had to drive through a ton of residential areas and VP said, “Wait. Is this place at someone’s house?” While that ended up not being the case, the “restaurant” is based out of a trailer and this place has Port-a-Potties instead of bathrooms. It was super weird. That said, we both had the brisket sandwich, which was fab, and the rice and beans, which were fantastic. We just had to both hold our pee until we got home because… Port-a-Potties.
"I want people to know that I'm purposefully posing to look silly in this photo and that I don't actually look like that." - VP
Elizabeth Street Café: I love this place. They have Vietnamese coffee (I had the hot--which I looooved--a bunch of times, but the iced is UGHHHHH *chef finger kiss*). I ate their everything croissant (a croissant stuffed with cream cheese and topped with everything bagel seasoning) at least 3 times and didn’t want to try any other pastry (and they all look delicious), it was that good. I also had their egg, sausage, and sticky rice Korean breakfast once and it was fab. The sausage tasted like the inside of pork gyoza. Ugh. So good.
Lick: The best ice cream place in Austin. Their flavors rotate week to week (I think?) and I had the salted caramel (my go-to), carrot cake (GAHHHH), and Meyer lemon (lfksjd;lfakjsdl;kfjasdf WITH REAL LEMON CURD IN IT; it tasted like eating a lemon bar). Go here.
Amy’s: Get the Mexican Vanilla ice cream. Just trust me on this. If you’re high, have the ice cream sandwiches (chocolate chip cookies with Mexican Vanilla ice cream between them) Postmated to your house.
Sweet Ritual: This is a vegan ice cream place. And listen. I usually LOVE vegan ice cream. I eat non-dairy ice cream all the time. But this place’s flavors are… a little earthy. I sampled a bunch and was like no thanks. BUT I did end up going with the chocolate peanut butter cup and it was very good. So if you’re vegan, definitely go there and get that flavor. They even make the peanut butter cups that are in the ice cream in-house.
I’ll admit that some of the time I spent in Austin (especially as the dating scene wore on me) involved me staying in a lot because I was emotionally drained. That said, I went to a few places:
Hamilton Pool: Read my review/worst dating story here.
Barton Springs: I went here on Memorial Day. Big mistake. It took us a looooong time to get in. It's fun to go to just to say that you've gone, but was I impressed? Eh. It's a giant spring-fed pool. Very refreshing on hot days, but I feel like there are better places to swim in Austin.
Lake Travis: I went here for the first time on Janson’s boat, which was fun as hell. Then I went back with my mom a few times to go swimming. It was great. Be warned: there is very little shade at any of the beaches around Lake Travis. You will burn. Hard. But the water is crystal clear and lovely.
Bookpeople: I love this place. It is my ideal independent bookstore. You know in some bookstores when they have a few placards throughout the store that are handwritten book recommendations from the staff? This place has those kind of notecards on practically every shelf. I LOVE THOSE SO MUCH. They also have a second floor devoted to kids’ books, toys, and games, which was so fun to play around in because I am actually four years old.
Okay, y’all. You’ve heard time and time again how much I hated Austin’s dating scene. But the one thing I will give it credit for is that I was able to go on dates with two very attractive women. And then I slept with one of them. I won’t get super into it, but here are some quick notes:
Two of my queer female friends were SUPER excited about me dating women and one was “so happy I’ve finally admitted to being a lesbian.”
Here is that first friend:
I told her, "You know how you're a Gold Star Gay*? I'm more like a bronze."
"You're more like a rock," she said.
"I'm tin foil," I said.
[we both cackle]
*A Gold Star Gay is someone who has never been with the opposite sex
My next friend said THIS:
WISHFUL THINKING, YOU GUYS. But I get it. And to be honest, I WISH I were romantically interested in women because dating men is so fucking boring sometimes. I discussed this with one of my friends yesterday:
So yeah. I have 6 months ahead of me until I move to Boston, at which point I will be able to actually date with intention, which is absolutely me in my element. Dating with intention/looking for a more genuine connection than just sex is exciting and less soul-crushing/paranoia-inducing (STI risk!) than dating around.
My friend Janson described me as “a Christian schoolgirl at heart”—that I’m out there having sex and being crazy, but deep down, I have very traditional values when it comes to relationships. I had never been more offended in my life. I told him to get out of my Christian home.
It may be true or whatever (shut UP), but this schoolgirl was gonna get nuthin’ in Austin besides syphilis. I’ll be back to eat and visit friends, but I sure as hell won’t date there ever again.
Passionate about everything having to do with the body, Dana Hamilton writes about sex, dating, relationships, body image, and eating disorder recovery. She is a regular contributor to Playboy and her work has appeared in VICE, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, and SELF, among other publications.